We’ve been wearing masks long before the pandemic.
Think about how much time you spend pretending to be someone else just so you can get along with others, feel a part of society, and avoid rejection and ostracism.
Most of the time we pretend to be someone we’re not because we want to avoid the costs of being honest.
Upfront, being your true self has drawbacks. But usually, those drawbacks are short and sharp. You put your real self out there — some people like it and some don’t, but at least you all know right away.
When you pretend to be someone you’re not, your soul slowly bleeds away day after day with every little moment you hide who you really are. If you want to have the confidence to be your true self, stop doing these things.
Stop Settling For Less Than What You Truly Want and Deserve
One of the best things you can do for yourself is set hard standards and rules for the way you want to live. Once you set those rules and standards, stick by them no matter what.
It doesn’t matter what they are, it just matters that you have them. And it matters that you set high standards and have high expectations for yourself and other people.
Most people claim contentment when they’re really just settling. It’s easy to say you’re content when you don’t think you can get what you really want. Set your standards based on the way you’d live if you weren’t afraid and full of doubt.
How much income do you really want to make?
What kind of friends do you really want to have?
Who do you really want to date?
What kind of impact do you want to have on the world?
What are your real spiritual goals?
How healthy do you want to be — both for your health and for the way you look naked?
What kind of experiences do you really want to have?
What kind of life do you really want to live?
When you answer these questions, don’t be bashful. Don’t provide a modest and politically correct answer. Don’t answer the way you think other people would want you to answer. And definitely don’t compromise.
Words like compromise, contentment, appreciation, humility, and modesty are often coping mechanisms — apathy in disguise.
These aren’t the words your true self would use, so don’t use them.
Stop Running From Your Flaws and Quirks
Pete Davidson is known for dating extremely beautiful women, most notably his recent tryst with Kim Kardashian. Some people, including me, are baffled at how he’s able to pull it off.
I can’t read his mind or the minds of women he dates, but if I were to speculate, I’d guess he’s so successful because he doesn’t try to run away from who he is and he doesn’t think his quirks are disqualifiers.
Instead, he leans all the way into them. He’s a quirky, funny, weird, gangly, uber-tattooed, lovable oddball and he just runs with it. He dates a lot of women people think he shouldn’t be able to date because it never occurred to him that he shouldn’t be able to date these women.
I use the example of dating because it’s a great microcosm for a lot of things in life. We think that in order to get a certain outcome, we have to be a certain way, some way that’s different than we already are.
Some guys think they need to be supermodels with millions of dollars to get a date when really they’re better off just being comfortable in their own skin. Some think they need genius talent or wisdom to be successful in business when they should create something based on the strengths they do have.
True confidence comes from accepting your flaws. Instead of running away from your quirks and perceived flaws, own them. Better yet, amplify them. Instead of thinking your imperfections need to be fixed, you can use them as your edge.
Stop Hiding Your Opinions And Tastes
I had a woman I’m dating come over to my place to hang out. She’s more of a progressive type whereas I’m more of a libertarian. I hate political correctness and this new culture that wants to drain us of all humor.
I admitted as much to her right away. And I didn’t try to pretend to have opinions I don’t really have to get her to like me.
Anyway, we were hanging out the other night and we’re looking for something to watch on Netflix. I asked her what she thought of the comedian Dave Chapelle — whether or not his stuff was too racy for her. She said no. So I put it on.
If any of you know anything about Dave Chapelle, you know he either dances around or totally crosses the line when he makes certain jokes. And, personally, I think it’s hilarious. I laughed at some jokes that I could tell made her wince a bit.
He’s an equal opportunity offender and doesn’t pull punches when he talks about anyone or any group. In a way, I like that because I think putting people on a pedestal and not making fun of them is treating them with kid gloves.
Comedy is a way to touch on the nuanced truths about uncomfortable topics in a way we can digest. I hope we never lose that. And when it comes to being yourself, I hope you never lose too much of yourself just because you want other people to like you. My date could’ve easily been turned off had I laughed a little too hard at certain jokes, but that’s fine because that’s the real me.
If you hide your true tastes and opinions to get other people to like you, it usually backfires. Either your true self leaks out too much and it seems like you were hiding the whole time, or other people never find out who you are and how you really feel so you get to live your life feeling like a fraud who no one really likes because they don’t actually know you.
Stop Apologizing for the Way You Want to Live
I’m cobbling together ideas for a new book and the vague theme right now is how to be unapologetic.
There’s just this passive-aggressive, apologetic, meek, fake, and almost spiritually hollow way people are living today. People don’t say what they really mean anymore — either they hide it totally or wrap it in some passive-aggressive backhanded tone.
They don’t want to look egotistical by having big goals. These days, it’s cool to be a nobody and you’re supposed to apologize for being successful. The status totem pole is inverted with the weakest, whiniest, most oppressed, and biggest complainers at the top. I hate it.
Our society is repressed. Everyone is walking around on eggshells — afraid to be canceled, afraid to say the wrong thing, afraid to buck the narrative. Conformity is at an all-time high.
You know what I say?
Fuck it.
I’m going to live the way I want to live and write the way I want to write, consequences be damned. I’m going to chase after every goal I have, both meaningful and petty, without apologizing for a damn thing.
If you don’t like it, I don’t care. Go read some articles about how to take twelve self-care bubble baths a week or ’10 steps to avoid climate change anxiety.’ If that’s the team you really want to join, you deserve what’s coming your way.
I’m guessing though, if you’re still reading this, you want to be on the winning team. Well, if you want to be on the winning team, then you need to stop pretending you don’t want to win. Stop pretending you don’t want what you want. Stop pretending you don’t think and feel what you really feel.
Overall, just stop pretending. What you want from life is no mystery. Your gut knows. And when you remove all the fear and doubt from your mind, you know. Your life will get immensely better the minute you start trusting your gut more than you trust anyone or anything else.