I lost my job and my wife in the span of a week.
Ok, let’s backtrack a little.
I didn’t lose my job, per se, but I was on the brink of it. Long story short, because I was distracted (or so I thought), I made a major gaffe on a marketing campaign at my job.
During said gaffe, I was having a time of it. The last rope of the relationship wore thin. I’m in the process of looking for a new apartment while trying to work, while trying to write and run my side business, while still trying to be a parent, while having to do this marketing campaign that was the last thing I wanted to do. It all came crumbling down.
After screwing up the campaign, I offered my resignation. Instead, they suspended me for a week and said we could talk when my head cleared. Away I went to clear my head.
I decided to get away for a bit. As I’m on my way through security at the airport on my way to Washington D.C., I get a notification on my phone — “meeting in a half hour.” The reminder was for my one on one call with my productivity/business coach.
Ugh. It was the last thing I wanted to do at the moment, but I did it.
During the call, we barely talked about business. I spilled.
Part of that conversation stuck with me. In fact, a few sentences may have changed my life forever.
I told her about my gaffe at work, how it was so unlike me, and then jokingly said something along the lines of “maybe this was a sign.” The conversation went silent.
Then she said, “Ayo, you’re a professional writer. You don’t just make mistakes like this.”
She then went on to tell me a story of how she made a major screw up in her career. This was at a time where she was still employed but always wanted to be an entrepreneur. She related her story to mine. We didn’t necessarily try to sabotage ourselves, but sometimes our subconscious is trying to tell us something so badly that it just finds a way to force our hands.
So that we can see.
So that bubbling up of our conscious slaps us in the face to be aware of what life is trying to tell us.
Life is always trying to tell us something, especially when it’s painful. Sometimes it takes real pain for you to finally get life’s message.
What message is that? In short:
Live, really live. Seriously, what the hell are you doing? Get on with it. Time’s ticking.
I took my coach’s advice and took a month off from my job. I’d already considered quitting. I have enough money. The business will keep me well above being afloat. But even with the sucess I had, I still wanted to hide.
No more. Who knows what happens next, but as of right now I’m starting at zero in many senses. This time around, I’ll look for the signs.
Look, I’m not one of these mystical, woo woo, watches The Secret documentary type of people.
I don’t think everything happens for a reason. There are many horrible parts of life that seem to have zero reasons behind them.
But, whether directly or indirectly, life does tend to tell you things.
Whether or not you listen is up to you. The same goes for what you do once you’ve heard the message.
Life tells you things in the moments of comfort and discomfort you experience. Comfort can either be a sign that everything is okay — contentment — or that you’re settling. This is never easy to decipher, but try to. Discomfort can tell you something’s wrong, but it can also tell you that you’re growing.
Many feelings and emotions are frequencies of the same energy. Easiest example — love and hate.
It’s no easy task, but trying to parse out which frequency you’re feeling and what to do about it is the key to…everything.
The hard part about it, though? You usually don’t want to hear the actual, raw, literal truth.
If I was being 1,000 percent honest with myself, I never would’ve gotten married. I did it for the wrong reasons.
If I was being brutally honest about my writing career and business, I’d have left my job months ago. Even now, I could only resort to taking a sabbatical. I still have to go back in, confront the situation, and quit for real.
Life forced my hand in a way that’s brutally painful and extremely liberating at the same time. Who knows how long I would’ve been content to coast along in my relationships and career? How long would I have continued to lie to myself? This wasn’t just unfair to me. Being half-foot in was unfair to them, too.
Now, I’m starting the world directly in the face one hundred percent of the time. I’m petrified, but I’ve never felt freer and ready to attack with everything I have.
That source, that core, is only something you can experience through the type of brutal honesty, that’s, honestly, often too much to bear.
But, if you can bear that, you can bear anything.
So, what is the world trying to tell you?
Are you listening?
If you hear the message, what are you going to do about it?