Need some love? I got you.
By the end of reading this post, you’ll feel better about yourself, I promise. Sometimes you need tough love. It’s also important to pat yourself on the back, too. Ultimately, it’s important to know that you can do well in this life if you just make a few small tweaks.
Dissatisfaction does lead to results, but if you do nothing but beat yourself up, you’ll have a hard time building the confidence needed to make some of the changes you need to make.
Yes, focus on fixing areas of your life, but stop looking at yourself as someone who needs to be fixed. Needing to be fixed implies that there’s something inherently wrong with you. There isn’t.
At your core, you already have everything you need to be successful. So, when you reinvent yourself, you don’t do it by filling a void. You do it by understanding you are already whole and that you just need to remove the BS layers of your life to be able to see that.
Read through these points and remind yourself of that.
The fact that you take time out of your day to read self-improvement posts tells me one thing. You’re at least trying. Trust me, I’ve been there. You read all of these self-help posts and they make you feel kinda sorta motivated for a moment then it fades away. So, you do it again, and again, and again.
You’re hoping that one day one of the messages will just land well enough for you to have that spark needed to change your life. It can take a hell of a long time for that to happen. There’s no guarantee that it will happen. But it definitely can happen.
So many are totally resigned. They gave up a long time ago. I saw these people in the factories I used to work in. I see them downtown in my city — stoned-faced suits, dead with golden handcuffs. You can feel the resigned energy in the air of our society as a whole. But, you’re not one of those people. Don’t ever let yourself become one.
Even in my lowest of lows in life I never let go of hope. I spent a lot of time mindlessly daydreaming, but I always kept my dreams alive. And at one point in my life, for whatever reason, I followed through. It happens. Keep yours. And know that the mere act of doing so sets you apart. I’ll never knock someone for trying in a world filled with people who don’t try at all.
This is something you logically know, but I’m going to remind you again so you can emotionally embrace it. It’s something I remind myself of every single day and in the face of any challenge I’m having in my life.
It’s all in your head.
Nine times out of ten, your worries are overstated. Ten times out of ten, that voice of self-doubt in your head is flat out wrong. Whatever you’re afraid of or whatever holds you back, is almost entirely in your head. And the moment you step into doing those things you’re afraid of, you realize it isn’t so bad after all.
The things you see as your flaws, are just things you see as flaws. Someone else can have those same characteristics and brush them off or even appreciate them. You didn’t have to interpret certain past experiences the way you did. And whatever happened in your past doesn’t have to define you. You could decide to change the stories you’re telling yourself about your life and about yourself just like that.
Whatever areas of your life cause you to lack confidence are probably areas where you’re selling yourself well short of what you’re really capable of. Like, extremely short.
I’ve always wished I could watch the most confident version of myself operate in the world. Same DNA, same life experiences, but a totally different self-narrative — free of fear and full of certainty. Picture that for yourself, too. Imagine just how much that person could accomplish. And understand that person is you.
I wish I was a good athlete like my little brother who I’ve always been envious of, but I’m not. I’ve always wanted to be the James Bond, Don Draper, smooth operator type of man, but I’m not. I wish I was good at drawing, but I can barely draw a decent stick figure.
But, whoever created this universe of ours decided to give me a pretty decent brain, communication skills, an endless curiosity about the world, and a strong intuition. My life changed for the better when I leaned into the gifts I was given.
I’m not going to sit here and pretend that all gifts are distributed evenly. But, you have to be you, so you have to work with what you’ve been given. The good news? You don’t need an insanely abundant amount of skill or natural talent to create a pretty damn good life. Most skills are learnable. And you’ve been given something. Many things.
You can lean into the gifts you came with naturally and get better at areas you want to improve over time. I’m not some amazing athlete, but I work out five times a week and I’m in good shape. I’m not super cool like James Bond, but I’ve worked on my social skills over the years and became pretty damn charismatic.
Leaning into my gifts first gives me the energy to work on other skills and it makes me more authentic because I’m not trying too hard to be someone or something I’m not. Think of that person I mentioned earlier, the maxed-out version of you. That person has a hell of a lot to offer to the world. And it’s selfish to keep your gifts to yourself.
Our collective self-consciousness keeps us from getting to enjoy what we all could offer to each other.
We’ve all had flashes of brilliance or these little streaks of time where we’re just killing it in life. Think about some of those moments in your life. I refuse to believe you’ve lived a life with zero victories. In fact, you have had a bunch of moments where you’ve won, where you’ve done things you’re proud of. But your mind has a tendency to delete your victories and distort your perception.
It helps to take time to think about all the times you’ve won so you can feel motivated to win again, but win bigger. What is it that you want in your life? Think about how you can translate your past experiences into fuel.
For example, so many people have trouble starting a business, but they managed to spend four years working hard to get a degree. They won, but maybe it was a game they realized they didn’t want to win. Oh well, why not just spend four years working on a business then? You’re motivated in certain areas of your life for certain periods of time. Just realize that you can apply that to other areas.
In short, work on removing that thought in your mind that comes up when you face a real challenge. That thought that you’re incapable. Nope, you’re more than capable. You’re a winner. You’ve won. You just need to win again. Not to get esoteric on you, but your DNA is made up of generations of people who somehow made it long enough to pass on their genes. Try living life with the attitude of a generational champion.
For all your doubts, you also think you’re pretty awesome, too. We all bounce back between those emotions, bouts of doubt and bouts of extreme optimism. You already like yourself. You probably just need to like yourself a little bit more so you can do some of the things you want to do, that’s all.
How do you like yourself more? Well, that’s where pushing yourself comes in. Each time you make a promise to yourself and keep it, you get a little bit stronger. T
hen, it gets easier to keep the promises you make to yourself because you have proof that you’ve done it before. You’re a few positive feedback loops away from a better life. You just have to get that upward spiral started.
And you know that. This is just a reminder. Continue to remind yourself that you already have everything you need to be successful and that pushing yourself to succeed is just a process of doing things that help you understand that you already have what you need.
You don’t need anyone else or anything else but you.
You definitely don’t need me.
But I’ll be here as long as you need to help you remember.